I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Semen is not good for contacts.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
