He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
