i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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