it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
