So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
