Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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