Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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