I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
