thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
