Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
