dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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