what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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