Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
