I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
