Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
