Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
