he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
