This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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