First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
