using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
