dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
