My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
