im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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