i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
