Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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