Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
