he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
