there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
