the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
