That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I party with great urgency now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
