Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
