This is not my ceiling
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
