i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
