What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
