Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
