I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
