I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize