he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
