Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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