I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
