I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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