Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
