I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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