i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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