I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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