U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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