I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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