Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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