we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
