Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
