So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
