in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
