I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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