oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
