Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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