K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
