I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
