You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
