You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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