I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
