Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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