weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
