Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
