yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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