The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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