I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
