I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
two words...techno handjob
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
