oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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